Thursday, January 12, 2012

I am still alive as of 1/12/12

Umm Hi.. It has been awhile since I have posted. I am still unsure why this was, but for some reason now I am. I guess I am calm enough to actually sit down and look back on what I have done these past many months. All I can say is that I learned so much in such a short time. Not just from my classes,but from others I have met and will continue to meet along the path to a future I still don't even have a concept for. I just know....somewhere...I feel....It will happen no matter what mistakes or set backs I make because the will and thrill of meeting that future on my terms is the most exilerating feeling I could accept for my family and friends and even for myself. My bipolar has been so different these past months I am guessing because of a change in medication but also I know because I myself am changing. I look back on who I was when I last posted on this blog or even farther when I was the little ignorant boy who thought the study of art would be sooo easy and would make my dreams and ambitions come to life just like that! As we learn though anything worth while MUST be earned though determination,skill,and unyielding effort, to me its almost like being a terminator I will not sleep, I will not rest, I will not can you truly stop someone like that!? I tried to become more focused..I failed..I became a teacher, a mentor of one, an adamant friend to so many others, I learned much from these students and they taught me, why I am trying so hard to become something I truly can not imagine. So being the Jacob Alexander Sweet that I am I became and used to my advantage my bipolar..specifically my MANIC episodes!! I did not sleep, I hardly ate, I hardly enjoyed anything I used too, it was all for others and to tell the absolute truth I.....kinda liked it. I used to be scared of my manic/depressive episodes but as long as I stay productive and am helping others and the world positively then I really don't need to be scared anymore. I might try and see so much into all I wish to accomplish but not seeing what I truly want. but this is something I will fix in myself I swear. Hahahah damn a lot has happened in such a short amount of time I still have not gotten to what happened with my family or friends Hahaha or even my training...well lets hope these many many post of works will explain all I have learned in my absence from this blog. Enjoy (pic-1-3 my room/ studio set for action!!! - 4 My Dorm room :3)

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